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On The Humor Side |
| GBS-GIESLER CORP ELECTROTEX HIS MARKETING HARRIS CORP NVISION SYSTEM ONE COMMUNICATIONS |
BIRD BRAINIAC
The cruise ship magician has been doing his routines every night for two years now. The audiences appreciate him, and they change over often enough that he doesn't have to worry too much about new tricks. However, there is a parrot who sits in the back row and watches him night after night. Finally the parrot figures out how the tricks are done and starts giving it away for the audience. When the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot squawks, "Behind his back! It's behind his back!" This infuriates the magician, but he can't just kill the parrot because it belongs to the captain.
One day, the ship springs a leak and sinks. The magician manages to swim to a plank of wood floating by and grabs on. Low and behold, the parrot is sitting on the other end. They just stare at each other as they drift and drift. They drift for three days and still don't speak. On the morning of the fourth day, the parrot looks over at the magician and says: "OK, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?" FOOL FOR FASHION
The trendy dresser fancied himself quite the lady-killer, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea that this mystery woman was so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photograph.
Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a funny shirt." DIRTY BUSINESS
Marveling at a certain employee's ability to sell toothbrushes, the head of the sales department decided to follow him around one day. He soon observed this particular salesman choose a busy street corner on which to set up an array of toothbrushes and a small bowl of brownish stuff surrounded by chips. The salesman would then select a likely customer and announce, "Good morning! We're introducing Nifty Chip Dip-would you like a free sample?"
Tasting the dip, the bystander would invariably spit it out in disgust and howl, "It tastes like mud!"
"It is," the salesman would inform them calmly. "Care to buy a toothbrush?" CRATER CAFЙ
Did you hear about the new restaurant that just opened up on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere. FUMBLING FATHERS
The exercise during history class one day was for each of the students to list whom they considered to be the 11 greatest Americans. After half-an-hour, everyone had turned in their papers except Irwin, who was still scratching his head and thinking furiously. "What's up?" asked the teacher. "Can't you come up with 11 great Americans?"
"I've got all but one," the student explained hastily. "It's the quarterback I can't decide on." FIELD OF VISION
A baseball fan is a guy who can judge from his seat in the third deck that the umpire's call was bad, then head for the parking lot and not be able to find his own car.
Presented by the Friars Club,
Danney Stanley
The cruise ship magician has been doing his routines every night for two years now. The audiences appreciate him, and they change over often enough that he doesn't have to worry too much about new tricks. However, there is a parrot who sits in the back row and watches him night after night. Finally the parrot figures out how the tricks are done and starts giving it away for the audience. When the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot squawks, "Behind his back! It's behind his back!" This infuriates the magician, but he can't just kill the parrot because it belongs to the captain.
One day, the ship springs a leak and sinks. The magician manages to swim to a plank of wood floating by and grabs on. Low and behold, the parrot is sitting on the other end. They just stare at each other as they drift and drift. They drift for three days and still don't speak. On the morning of the fourth day, the parrot looks over at the magician and says: "OK, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?" FOOL FOR FASHION
The trendy dresser fancied himself quite the lady-killer, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea that this mystery woman was so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photograph.
Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a funny shirt." DIRTY BUSINESS
Marveling at a certain employee's ability to sell toothbrushes, the head of the sales department decided to follow him around one day. He soon observed this particular salesman choose a busy street corner on which to set up an array of toothbrushes and a small bowl of brownish stuff surrounded by chips. The salesman would then select a likely customer and announce, "Good morning! We're introducing Nifty Chip Dip-would you like a free sample?"
Tasting the dip, the bystander would invariably spit it out in disgust and howl, "It tastes like mud!"
"It is," the salesman would inform them calmly. "Care to buy a toothbrush?" CRATER CAFЙ
Did you hear about the new restaurant that just opened up on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere. FUMBLING FATHERS
The exercise during history class one day was for each of the students to list whom they considered to be the 11 greatest Americans. After half-an-hour, everyone had turned in their papers except Irwin, who was still scratching his head and thinking furiously. "What's up?" asked the teacher. "Can't you come up with 11 great Americans?"
"I've got all but one," the student explained hastily. "It's the quarterback I can't decide on." FIELD OF VISION
A baseball fan is a guy who can judge from his seat in the third deck that the umpire's call was bad, then head for the parking lot and not be able to find his own car.
Presented by the Friars Club,
Danney Stanley